Vile-Kun's Love Connection
by Mouko
Summary: What happens when Vile gets his own television show? What sort of insanity overtook him when he decided to make it a show about LOVE? Why ask so many questions? Just sit down, grab some alcohol, and (after you're sufficiently sloshed) watch!
1. Episode 1: X!

Warning: I figured I may as well get around to posting this... it's script mode because it was originally just some stuff I wrote for a mailing list... Anyway, it'll have yaoi, hetero, and anything else I can think of so if that stuff bothers you, don't read. I hope the sign works. XD 

--- --- --- --- 

/ \ / \ / \ / \ 

| V | Welcome to the | V | 

\ / PILOT \ / 

\ / Episode of... \ / 

\ / \ / 

\ / Vile-Kun's Love Connection! \ / 

\ / \ / 

V V 

*The crowd screams (from laughter, fear, or insanity is anyone's guess) as Vile saunters on to the stage, wearing a fancy purple tuxedo... and his helmet* 

Vile Welcome to Vile-Kun's Love Connection! I am your host, the master of LOOOOVE... Vile! 

Audience BOOOOOOOOO!!! 

Vile Anyway... let me introduce you to my lovely guest... X! 

X*looks around, startled, as he's tied to a chair and gagged* o.o;;; 

Vile It's a PLEASURE to have you, X! ^_^ 

X... ... 

Vile The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure. *jumps in to X's lap and sits there* ^_^ 

X*freaked look* ... 

Vile*kicks his feet, sitting on X's lap* So, X! Tell me! When did you find out you loved me? 

X...!?! *URF?!?!* 

Vile Really? When you first saw me in my magnificent mecha?! 

X*shakes his head, scowling through the gag* *MRF!!!!* 

Vile I know... I was so manly and full of testosterone while sitting in that mecha! *cackle* 

*The audience groans* 

X... ... o.o;; 

Vile OH! ... and in case you're wondering... ^_^ No, the size of the mecha wasn't to compensate for anything. Heh heh heh. 

X... ... ... . o o { Help me...} 

Vile So then, X! *leans close, straddling the captive reploid* How does it feel? Do I make you horny, baby? ^_^ 

X... ;_; 

Vile Heh heh heh. ^_^ 

*Suddenly, Roll peers on stage* 

Roll Um...? I thought you were going to interview him, not screw him on camera. 

X... !?!?! 

*The audience gasps* 

Vile ROLL!? What are YOU doing here!? This is a yaoi mailing list! 

Roll... I'm the producer of this show, damn it. I can be here if I want to! 

Vile... why would you produce a yaoi show? 

Roll... because I'm a young girl with rampaging hormones! Now shut your pie hole! 

Vile... fair enough. 

Roll Now are you going to answer my question!? 

Vile*saucy grin as he traces hearts on X's cheek* I thought you liked this stuff! 

X*twitchtwitch* 

Roll... I refuse to visualize you naked. 

Vile Then why did you hiiire me? 

Roll I was drunk at the time. 

Vile... Ahhhh, the wonders of alcohol. *grins at X* I bet you'd like it if I licked alcohol off of your hot... sweaty... NAKED body... hmmm? 

X.... *sweatdrop* 

Roll... if it was anyone but you, I'd pay to see that. Get off him and ask him some damn questions! 

Vile Get him off? 

Roll NO!!! GET OFF OF HIM AND ASK HIM SOME DAMN QUESTIONS!!!! 

Vile... do I have to? 

Roll... do you want me to use a can opener to cut off your- 

Vile...*jumps off of X's lap* Damn you, evil woman, for denying me my love! *sits down, huffy, in his little host desk, shaped like a heart* 

Roll*mutters as she walks off stage* Oye... 

Vile*muttermutter* Thanks SO MUCH for ruining my first episode, you nasty tra-*sees Roll glare at him* er... lovely producer. ... so I'll just ask you some questions. 

X...? 

Vile Are you gay? ^_^ 

X... ... *sweatdrop* 

Vile Do you like porno? ^_^ 

X... ... o.o 

Vile Is Zero a stupid bastard or what? 

X -!! 

Vile NOTHING'S going on between you, right? 

X... ... o.o;;;;;;;;; 

Vile HEH! As if that pony tail bastard with artifical boobs on his armor would ever have a chance with YOU... eh, my little dumpling? 

X.................................... 

Vile... this is truly a one sided interview... I guess it's because you're gagged, eh? 

X... *glare* 

Vile Well, it's to be expected... I mean, I did kidnap you. 

*The audience gasps!* 

Vile How else would I get him on the show!? He's so shy... it's PRECIOUS! ^_^ 

X... *rf* . 

Vile Since talking is done... and this IS the LOVE CONNECTION... what say you and I... er... ... get to the good stuff? ^_^ 

X... . o O {... waaah...} 

Vile Don't worry about that producer of ours... the nasty Roll... she's off getting drunk to get rid of images of me naked. ^_^ 

*The audience makes gagging noises* 

Vile So... it's just... *crouches like a panther on his desk* You... ... and.... .... me... 

X O.O;;;;;;;; 

*Vile makes to lunge, but misjudges the distance and accidentally falls, face first, on to the floor with a loud CLANK!* 

Vile... OW!! 

X*looks around quickly, then bounces away, chair and all* 

Vile*gets up* That hurt... even through the helmet! ... X? *looks around* X?! Where are you, love muffin? 

*X is long gone; so's the auidence* 

Vile... well, damn it! 

*Vile glances about and notices Roll, passed out and plastered off stage* 

Vile... bleh... well, the first episode was a bust but... we'll just try again! ... I'll just use cement blocks next time. 

*Vile glances about, then grins at the camera, looking oh-so-sexy despite the large dent in his helmet covered by a Minnie Mouse bandaid* 

Vile ... that ends this episode of Vile-Kun's Love Connection... despite the fact I didn't get any... *grumble* I'll see you next time... and hopefully with another bishie! 


	2. Episode 2: Zero!

--- --- --- --- 

/ \ / \ / \ / \ 

| V | Welcome to the | V | 

\ / SECOND \ / 

\ / Episode of... \ / 

\ / \ / 

\ / Vile-Kun's Love Connection! \ / 

\ / \ / 

V V 

Vile: Welcome, one and all! Can you believe it!? A second episode! I'm shocked! I'm thrilled! I'm... 

*Vile glances down at his pants, then yelps and quickly adjusts them* 

Vile:... a bit excited. 

Audience: Ewwww. 

Vile: ANYWAY! *twirls his microphone and winks through his helmet* We've got a great episode lined up! I took extra precautions, however, to make sure that nothing happens this time to ruin the episode! 

*Somewhere, far far away...* 

*Roll struggles, bound and gagged, as she sits in a broom closet* 

Roll: . o O {SON OF A-! I'll get you for this!} 

*Back at the show* 

Vile: Soooo! Who's my guest? PLEASE let it be X! 

*Vile lunges to his desk and peers at the guest entrance* 

Vile: X? X? X? 

*Zero walks on stage, his cheek twitching* 

Vile:... well, sh*t. 

Zero: Don't cuss. There's kids present. *sits down on the guest couch as he growls at Vile* You pervert. 

Vile: Better a pervert than a a reject from Transexual Transylvania. 

Zero:... is that a crack about my hair!? 

Vile: No, she-man. What ever gave you that idea? 

Zero: JUST BECAUSE my armor has weird jewels where the female gender has breasts does NOT MAKE ME A- 

Vile: Weirdo? 

Zero: NO! 

Vile: Admit it. You take estrogen shots. 

Zero: WATCH IT, bucket face! 

Vile: Watch what? Your man boobs? 

Zero: Waste-face! 

Vile: Princess Zero! 

Zero: You're asking for it! 

Vile: Whatcha gonna do!? Spank me!? 

*The audiance watches, fascinated, as the two reploids growl ferally at eachother* 

*Zero leans back and sneers, cockily. 

Zero: You're just jealous that most people prefer pairing X with ME than YOU. 

Vile: Oh please. Why would I be jealous of a DEAD MAN? 

Zero: YOU'RE dead too! 

Vile:... but atleast I don't scream "WHAT AM I FIGHTING FOR", and then turn around and keep on going like nothing happened! 

Zero:... hey.... 

Vile: It's like Rose from Titanic! *bats his eyes and clasps his hands together* *mimicing Rose* I'll NEVER let you go... *makes a dropping gesture* WHOOPS! 

Zero:... that is NOT what happened! 

Vile: Is too! 

Zero: NOT! 

Vile: TOO! 

Zero: NOT!!! 

Vile: TOOOOOOO!!! 

Zero: CHILD!!! 

Vile: I know YOU are but what am I! 

Zero: ATLEAST I'M GETTIN' SOME! 

Vile: Your hand doesn't count! 

Zero: YOU SON OF A-! 

*Zero suddenly lunges at Vile, his hands wrapping around the Maverick's throat* 

*A bright flash illuminates the room and a reploid female tiger appears* 

NT: HEY! 

Vile:... my god! It's an Author-insert character! 

NT: Damn right it is! Stop fighting and ask him some questions, dammit! This isn't Jerry Springer! 

Zero:... 

Vile:... 

*Zero sits down and grumbles while Vile rubs his throat and hisses* 

Vile: Fine... *looks at his cards* ... Why are you a bastard, Zero? 

Zero:... HEY... 

NT: VILE!!! 

Vile:... oh FINE... *looks at the cards again and sighs* *forces a smile* How does it feel to be one of the most popular characters out there? 

Zero: DAMN GOOD. 

Vile: Better than your happy time with yourself? 

NT: VILE. 

Vile:... Yes, yes, sorry. *looks at the cards* Is it true that your creator is Wily? 

Zero:... well, let me SEE. There was a funky german freak in my dreams in X4... as well as the mangas... PLUS Forte mentioned a 'ponty tailed robot' in the end of that arcade game. What do YOU think? 

Vile:... I personally think you were created by either Dr. Frankenfurter or Dr. Kevorkian. 

Zero: YOU-! 

*Zero lunges at Vile and proceeds to bang his head against the floor* 

NT:... bleeeh... *rubs her tembles* 

Zero: DIE! DIE! DIE! 

Vile: ACK! ACK! ACK! 

Audience: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! 

NT:... That went well. *turns to face the audience and grins* Anyway... um. ... Okay! I guess that ends today's show. We'll tune in next time with... the guest of your choice! That's right, folks! Vote for the next guest to appear on the show! Will it be a Maverick? A Robot Master? A Hunter? WHO? YOU decide! And then Vile will interview them for you! 

Zero: AUGH! HE BIT MY EAR!! HOW THE HELL CAN HE BITE MY EAR WITH THAT HELMET ON HIS FACE?! 

Vile: Just call me Tyson! *CHOMP* 

Zero: WAUGH! 

NT:... hopefully it ends better than THIS. So... um... vote! YAY! 


	3. Episode 3: Quick Man!

Warning: Well! Here goes! Be warned... Vile's very insensitive. ;P If you're easily offended by people acting like idiots and saying stupid things... then... um... why are you even reading this? o.o Vulgar humor ahead... but I'm sure you're mature enough to handle it. ;P 

--- --- --- --- 

/ \ / \ / \ / \ 

| V | Welcome to the | V | 

\ / THIRD \ / 

\ / Episode of... \ / 

\ / \ / 

\ / Vile-Kun's Love Connection! \ / 

\ / \ / 

V V 

Vile*struts on to stage, then poses, cackling* I'm baaaaaaaaaack! Can you believe it!? Three episodes! THREE! You love me! You really love me! 

Audience BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! 

Vile So! Welcome to the THIRD episode of Vile-kun's Love Connection! I am your host... um, well. Vile. I mean, if it's my show and I'm the host, that'd make me Vile, right? 

Roll*off stage with her clipboard* Shut up and get on with it. 

Vile... Riiiiight. Anyway! Our guest today is...QUICK MAN! Give him a round of applause, folks! 

*The audience cheers and claps as Vile turns about and sits down in his desk. As he does so, Quick Man walks on to stage. He pauses, then smiles and waves* 

Quick Man Yo. 

*Then, Quick Man proceeds to sit down on the couch by Vile* 

Vile Yesss... so! WELCOME, Quick Man! 

Quick Man Glad to be here. 

Vile... you know, I noticed you have a really fine ass. 

Quick Man...?! 

Vile But don't worry, I'm not interested... X has MY heart. ^_^ 

Audience Awwwww... 

Vile Yessss... X is in possession of that gooey, lumpy, bleeding mass of sticky tissue that is my heart! If I were human, that is. ... Which I'm not. But I was thinking metaphorically... so it's OKAY! 

Audience... eeeewwww... 

Roll... *sighs* 

Quick Man.... um... why DO you like X, anyway? I mean, he keeps killing you. 

Vile... I'm glad you asked! *jumps on to the desk* YES! I ADMIT IT! I hated X at first! I hated him for beating me... for humiliating me... for destroying my mechs and ruining everything! But then... as I stalked him... trying to find his weakness... taking pictures of him training... sleeping... SHOWERING... *pauses to drool a bit* I began to realize that I wanted him, not just for revenge but for... other things! Other... NAUGHTY... things! IT WAS LOVE! 

Roll... actually, I believe that's lust. ... You perverted freak. 

Quick Man... I'm sorry I asked. 

Vile*jumps down* But anyway, silly guest, I'm supposed to ask YOU questions! 

Quick Man... 

Vile SO! Your name's Quick Man... right? 

Quick Man... *warily* Yeah. 

Vile... so, is... EVERYTHING quick? ^_- 

Quick Man... huh? 

Vile Do you even have enough time to enjoy it or is it like... you're in... you're out... it's all done and you barely notice? 

Quick Man... ... 

Vile... I guess it's not that good, huh? 

Quick Man*blushes* ... I'm not quick in THAT way, dumbass. 

Vile Suuuuuure. *winks at the audience* I hear you. 

Quick Man*still blushing* ... I'm not! 

Vile So what's it like living under Wily? 

Quick Man I'm not quick like that, damn it! 

Vile Why follow a human, anyway? He's old, wrinkly, and smells like... well... old people! 

Quick Man I'M NOT! 

Vile Old people, like Wily, always smell funny. Why haven't the Robot Masters ever tried to just bury him somewhere? Or maybe put him in an old people's home? 

Quick Man STOP TRYING TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT! 

Vile I once came across an old person... I hit him with a stick. It was fun. Why don't you try hitting Wily with a stick? 

Quick Man... ... 

Vile I think you'd enjoy it. 

Quick Man... *GROWLS, then stands up and storms off stage* 

Vile... Don't forget! The stick needs to be sharp and pointy! 

*Vile blinks as Quick Man disappears offstage* 

Vile... wow! He's really sensitive, isn't he? I guess I would be too, if I was so fast that no one noticed they ever had sex with me or not. 

Quick Man*off stage* I AM NOT QUICK LIKE THAT, YOU LITTLE SH- 

Vile SO! ANYWAY! Who shall be my guest next time? Call in and vote, won't you? Or write! ... Unless you're an old person. Then we don't want your feedback. I don't like the thought of old people having sex. 

Roll... *whimpers* So much for politically correct... 

Vile Old people should not have sex. 

Roll... but then, this is Vile. I don't think he KNOWS what politically correct means... maybe HE should be the one poked with a stick. Through the brain. 

Vile*waves, cackling, as he poses* See you next time! 


	4. Episode 4: Gemini Man!

Warning: Vile's a pervert. Beware! Very adult conversation, full of innuendo and outright pervy-ness. 

--- --- --- --- 

/ \ / \ / \ / \ 

| V | Welcome to the | V | 

\ / FOURTH \ / 

\ / Episode of... \ / 

\ / \ / 

\ / Vile-Kun's Love Connection! \ / 

\ / \ / 

V V 

Vile HAH! You thought you got rid of me, didn't ya?! WELL! You didn't! So cry me a river and get ready for the FOURTH EPISODE OF VILE-KUN'S LOVE CONNECTION! 

*The audience sobs quietly* 

Vile*twirls* And for my next guest, we had a hard time choosing! Everyone imaginable got one vote so we ended up going with drawing straws... and guess what lucky b@st@rd drew the straw? 

Roll... or, more accurately, which unlucky b@st@rd? 

Vile... Please welcome... GEMINI MAN! 

Gemini *walks out on stage, obviously unaware of what awaits him, and waves* Hi everybody! 

Audience... 

Vile WELCOME! ^_^ 

Audience Member RUN!!! RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN!! 

Gemini Wha-!? 

Vile TOO LATE! *lunges and tackles Gemini Man before he can bolt* 

* Gemini YOWLS as he's bowled over! 

Vile HAHAHAHA! *carries Gemini Man to a chair and ties him down* Heh heh heh... welcome to the show, Gemini Man. 

Gemini *grunts and struggles* Hey! Lemmie go! What's going on here?! 

Vile*sits down and reclines* Just making sure you don't escape, Gemini-chan! 

Roll... *shakes her head sadly* I knew it was a mistake to get chairs with straps... 

Gemini ... What kind of talkshow ties up its guests?! 

Vile The kind where they keep running away. 

Roll... out of fear or disgust, we haven't figured that out yet. 

Gemini ... *eyes Vile and mutters* What have I gotten myself into? 

Vile SO THEN! On to the questions! *giggles and grabs his papers before sorting them. He looks over the top paper, then coughs and eyes Gemini Man* ... So, I hear you have the ability to make clones of yourself. 

Gemini ... Well, not clones really. My ability is to split into two who're both still me. 

Vile I seeee! *pauses* ... so, do you do it? 

Gemini *blinks* Do what? 

Vile You know... *sly grin* IT. 

* Gemini just looks at Vile blankly* 

Vile*coughs* You knooooow~! Do you... make copies of yourself and, ahem... do IT? 

Gemini *blinks blankly* Do what? 

Vile... well, let's just get to the question that counts since we allready know the answer! *coughs and grins cutely* If you have sex with your clone, is it self-gratification? 

Gemini *eyes go wide* ...WHAT!?! *face turns red* 

Vile You know, if you're you... and he's you... and you're both having sex... aren't you having sex with yourself? Isn't that just fancy masterb-? 

Gemini I DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH MYSELF!!! 

Vile Do you have threesomes with yourself? I mean, the possibilities are endless! You could keep making clones of yourself and have one big orgy! ... But would it be classified as an orgy or just... well... pleasuring yourself many times? 

Gemini First of all I can only split myself into two, which is why I'm called GEMINI Man! Secondly... I DON'T DO THAT SORT OF THING! *struggles violently* 

Vile Can you make clones of others? I could go for a couple hundred clones of X. One for the morning, one for the afternoon, one for at night... one for breakfast... one for lunch... dinner... brunch... tea... midnight snack... *drools at the very idea* 

Roll... an X harem? 

Gemini ... *struggles even more while Vile is daydreaming of an X harem* 

Vile Ooooh, I've got goose pimples just thinking about it! *pauses, then giggles* And my pants just got oh so tight. 

Audience... eeewww. 

Gemini ... I think I'm going to be sick. *STRUGGLES* 

Vile Bah, what do you know? Many people would die for a harem of X's! 

Gemini ... *gives up as the straps are too tight and tries to figure out some other way of escaping* 

Vile... I'd be happy with just three though... *grins* I'd settle for just three X's. 

Roll...? 

* Gemini debates between asking out of morbid curiosity or listening to that part of him that says he does NOT want to know* 

Vile*notices the confused looks, then purrs* Oh, come now. Surely you've heard of... XXX? 

Roll... 

* Gemini face-faults, or at least he tries to, but he can't quite do it while sitting strapped to a chair* 

Audience ... 

Vile*smirks and taps his fingers on the desk* Well! That ends another delightful episode of Vile-Kun's Love Connection! I'm going to see if I can get our guest to make me some X clones... but you can go about your lives and wait with baited breath until the next episode! 

* Gemini pales and then starts gnawing at the straps in desparation to get away.* 

Vile We'll have the guest of your choosing! Just let us know! Be it Robot Master, Maverick, Hunter, or robot... anyone can be a guest! Isn't that so, Gemini-chan? 

* Gemini's chair is empty, the straps chewed all the way through* 

Vile Eh? Oh darn. I knew I shouldn't have made those straps out of licorice. 

Roll... WHAT? 

Vile I was just preparing for when X was our guest again... you know, so we could have some... after show fun. Heh heh heh. 

Roll... *massages her forehead* 

Vile Anyway! Tune in next time and be sure to vote! 

Roll... I need to take up smoking. 


	5. Episode 5: Blues and Forte!

Warning: Vile's a pervert. Beware! Very adult conversation, full of innuendo and outright pervy-ness. 

--- --- --- --- 

/ \ / \ / \ / \ 

| V | Welcome to the | V | 

\ / FIFTH \ / 

\ / Episode of... \ / 

\ / \ / 

\ / Vile-Kun's Love Connection! \ / 

\ / \ / 

V V 

Vile Hello, hello, hello! Wow, five episodes! I thought I'd have been canceled by the first... but here I am! You all must be raging perverts like me! 

Roll Or they find you pathetically funny. 

Vile Ooooh, I'm funny? 

Roll In a pathetic way. 

Vile Funny is still funny, my flat chested producer! 

Roll... ... ... ... ... 

Vile ANYWAY! Welcome to the fifth episode of Vile-Kun's LOOOVE Connection! 

*Roll sighs* 

Vile Oddly enough... we couldn't decide who to have as our next guest. Both Blues and Forte had equal votes! Therefore, we did the next best thing... 

Roll He kidnapped both. 

Vile YEEEESSS! *smiles as his teeth sparkle, not that anyone can see under the helmet* 

*Vile turns and presses a button, a curtain rising up to reveal Blues and Forte tied to a chair* 

Blues... 

Forte I'LL KILL YOU! 

Vile Mmmm, fiesty. Anyway! *kicks his feet up to prop them on the desk* Welcome to Vile-Kun's LOOOOOOOVE Connection! 

Blues*sighs* 

Forte I'LL RIP YER CIRCUITS OUT! 

Vile So, anyway. Forte! I hear your name is also 'Bass' in America. 

Forte... Don't you dare start that old joke. 

Vile Which one? 

Forte Saying my name with the wrong pronunciation. It's the musical term, not the fish. Moron. 

Vile Oh, no no no. I wouldn't stoop to something so silly! 

Forte...? 

Vile I was actually going to make a comment that you probably got the nickname on purpose. 

Forte... WHAT!? 

Vile I mean, you're probably like a dead fish in bed... so I figured you were named after that! 

Forte YOU-! 

Vile Oh come on. Everyone knows you sleep with Wily. 

Forte... ARE YOU INSANE!? 

Vile Think about it. An old, wrinkled man making dozens of bishonen-like robots. Not one girl. Geeee, I wooooonder about that. 

Forte... You have a point... but WE DO NOT SLEEP WITH THE OLD MAN! We aren't even BUILT-! 

Vile Tut tut tut! We'll have none of THAT! The FANS will decide what you do and don't have in your pants, Mister Fishy Fish! 

Forte... Eh? 

Vile SOME fans say we're built with synthetic willy-dillies... others feel we can have them installed, like upgrades. Others feel we just have plugs or the like down there, like all machines... while others still feel we have absolutely nothing down there and run around like sex craving but eternally deprived maniacs. 

Forte... So what are you? 

Vile Doesn't matter! 

Forte... Why? 

Vile Beecaaause... anyway you look at it... *leaps on to his desk and poses before performing some pelvic thrusts* I - AM - A - LOVE - MACHINE!  


Forte ... 

Blues ... 

Roll ... 

Audience ... 

Vile DO I MAKE YOU RANDY, BABY!? DO I MAKE YOU HORNY?! YA WANT SOMMA THIS? UH HUH! UH HUH! UH HUH! *continues to pelvic thrust* 

Roll Stop that. 

Vile Okey dokey then! *leaps back in to his chair and grins* We didn't forget about YOU, Blues! 

Blues... Much to my chargin. 

Vile So! You actually LIVED with X-errrr, Rock? 

Blues Briefly. 

Vile... You're straight, aren't you? 

Blues -!? 

Vile Only a straight guy could ignore the sexiness that is X... and widdle Rock is X, just more innocent. You could have SO violated his innocence. Watch him in the showers... grope him at night... 

Blues That's not why I left! I'm a loner, I-! 

Vile So you DID violate Rock? 

Blues... I didn't say that. 

Vile So you didn't? 

Blues I didn't say that either. 

Vile So which is it? 

Blues It's up for the fans to decide. 

Vile Cop out! Cop out! You sneaky boy, now you don't have to answer! 

Blue*grins evilly* 

Vile Tsk, tsk... so, anyway... 

Forte I don't sleep with Wily. 

Vile Hush, Fishy fish! You had your turn! Now it's Blues! 

Blues Oh lovely. 

Forte... Fishy fish? 

Vile Aaaanyway... I hear you're, like, Rock's twin brother. 

Blues... Sortof. 

Vile... A clone? 

Blues... Not exactly... 

Vile So if I had sex with you and X at the same time, I'd be technically making love to X twice? 

Blues NO! We're very different! 

Vile... Reeeaaally? 

Blues YES. 

Forte... 

Vile Hm? 

Forte Er, nothing... just... thinking about Blues and Rock naked. 

Vile That's what I'm sayin'! Yum yum! 

*Blues stares at Forte* 

Forte... WHAAAAT? Some fangirls pair me with you OR Rock... or even Roll. So it's only fair if I can visualize a little! 

Vile Forte, I think I love you. 

Forte Don't even. 

Vile I love your mind, atleast. 

Roll... Wonderful. Now we have two perverts. 

Vile Favorite style? 

Forte Doggy. You? 

Vile ALL. Though I'm particularly fond of bondage. 

Forte Toppings? 

Vile Vanilla, chocolate, honey... anything sugary and sticky. 

Forte Sounds good... jam works too. 

Blues *freaked look* 

Vile You've been written as uke a few times. Did you know that? 

Forte*blink* ... Uke? But I'm all seme! ;_; 

Vile I've been seme unless it's Sigma. 

Forte... Baldy? 

Vile I must have been drunk at the time. 

Forte Very. 

Blues... I tend to alternate, it seems... I'm either seme or uke. 

Forte Hah! Ambiguously Uke! 

Blues Same can be said for you, you know. 

Forte... Shut up. 

Blues No. 

Vile AAANYWAY! *whirls in his chair and cackles* That was another wonderful episode of Vile-Kun's Love Connection! I managed to find another soul just like me! Who would have thought? Maybe there's more! 

Roll ... I hope not... 

Vile I'll see you next time! This one will be a special interview! It was prearranged... because we had to schedule ahead. We'll be talking to the man who CREATED all the molestation bait of the MM and MMX world... Dr. Light! STAY TUNED! 


	6. Episode 6: Dr Light!

Warning: This episode is VERY raunchy! You have been warned! Special thanks go to Pinkchan for all of her help (it was her Dr. Light I interviewed since mine isn't nasty enough ;P), as well as Yuki, JanusII, Kahn, Huntress, and the others for all of their suggestions for questions! Your nastiness does my heart good! 

*/ VILE-KUN'S LOVE CONNECTION \* 

*| EPISODE SIX! |* 

*\ /* 

Vile*saunters on, grinning despite the onslaught of boo's and insults* Heh heh, HEYA! YA MISS ME? 

*An audience member throws a tomato* 

Vile*DUCKS, grinning suavely* Yes, it's VILE! I'm baaaack! 

*The audience sobs* 

Vile Today is a special episode! Not only because of our guest but also because our Producer, Roll, has decided to leave me unsupervised! 

*The audience GASPS* 

Vile She said something about drowning away her humiliation in a bottle of tequilla. Hmmm, I'd think that would only bring MORE humiliation when you wake up in a puddle of your own vomit! 

Audience ... Ew. 

Vile But I guess she considers puddle vomit less humiliating than people meeting today's guest! I guess it's because they're related? 

*The audience nods, sympathetically* 

Vile ANYWAY... *saunters over to his chair and sits down* Welcome welcome to yet ANOTHER episode to Vile-kun's LOOOOVE Connection! In case you didn't notice (but you probably did!), we got a new logo for the show! The other just kept getting all cruddy and messed up... so we settled for something less tacky and mind-splody. Oh well! *shrugs* Took our dear sweet time, didn't we? But what can you expect when your guest comes from decades in the past? Hehe, that's right! Let's give a BIG ROUND of APPLAUSE foooooor the pimp master himself, DR. LIGHT! 

Dr. Light *hobbles onto stage and squints at Vile* ... *shakes his head* Youngsters these days... never can get those curves right. 

Vile Hah ha, hah hah... hah... die. ANYWAY~! *grins* Welcome to the show! 

Dr. Light *has started eying Vile, completely ignoring what he's saying* And that bucket up there is a poor way to hide an ugly face. Designer should've just started over. Can't expect much from these mass models though... 

Vile... Riiiiiight. Senile old fart machine. So! YOU created my delicious X, did you not? 

Dr. Light I am not SENILE, ingrate! Anyways, yes, although I doubt that the likes of you got anywhere near any spot you could discern taste. 

Vile ... Note to self, note to self... kill Dr. Light after the show... ANYWAY! Let's start with the questions, shall we? We'll start right off the bat with the most important one of them all: ... What PREFERENCES did you program in to X? I mean, does he dig the ladies or does he want some man meat? 

Dr. Light *getting interested as he hears the question about X's design* X was designed with the ability to choose his own paths. I studied human anatomy for many painstaking years and detailed his body exactly. *suddenly starts sobbing at the thought of all the hard work* You don't know how many boys I had to probe to make sure the diagrams in the books were correct! 

Vile ... I'll take that as an 'undecided'. OKAY! What possessed you to make such a sexaaay robot? 

Dr. Light To make the most perfect creation...someone I could call a son... And with X I could perform regular maintenance and checkups... 

Vile Mmm hmmm... Before you turned him in to a warrior robot, what was his original purpose? Chippendale dancer? Sex toy? Giant dildo? 

Dr. Light Oh, heaven's no! He was just to be a perfect boy! *twitches his fingers slightly on saying "perfect boy"* Sweet and polite and... agreeable... *stares off into space for a little bit* 

Vile Did you ever video tape my sweet X during his various... ahem... personal or private moments? ... And can I have copies? 

Dr. Light Well, no... I didn't want to videotape or record my work on preparing X for activation, because my plans had been stolen years before. Whoever stole those plans would've made an emotionally instable robot. Besides, X can't be captured in a videotape. *profound* 

Vile ... ... Riiiiiiiiiight... ... Okay then! Next question! ... Does anything ELSE get upgraded, if you catch my drift? Like, say, additional vibration, super-stretchy, or is it apposable? Does it CHARGE~? 

Dr. Light ...? The cannon charges very well, and can be used in a variety of ways. I think I took out the shockwave that comes with using it but I'm not sure if any of the newer models he's adapted have taken away that protection. 

Vile ... *drools a little* Oh really~? Heehee... that's good to know... *wipes at his mouth, or atleast tries to through the bucket* How many positions are programmed in to him and can new ones be added? Oh! And how well can he perform after... aheh heh... extended use? *pauses and tilts his head* And do any adverse effects occur from application of mayonaise, cool whip, caramel, hot fudge, or cat-o-nine tails? Can he handle multiple-users at the same time? 

Dr. Light *getting excited* Oh, he has the fullest range of motion and can adapt to anything! A stamina that is only limited by his will! And I'm sure he can eat most anything, although I don't really think he can eat cats. And yes, he can have as many relationships as his heart desires! He's the perfect human without being a human! 

Vile *shiiivers and purrs deeply* Mmm... yessss, I bet he could even eat HOT DOGS... Heh... heh heh... heh... ahem. *clears his throat* Does X have a rumble pack? Maybe someplace where you can insert a joystick? 

Dr. Light *trying to think* You'd have to ask him if he has that system, but I'm sure he can use the joystick well if he learned how. 

Vile ... Do you suppose he'd play with my joystick? 

Dr. Light *blink* If you have the right adaptor. 

Vile Oh yes, my joystick is VERY adaptible... it can go most ANYWHERE. Heh heh heh... oh my... *shifts slightly* I seem to be overly happy again~! But then, who wouldn't be happy at X playing with their joystick~? 

Dr. Light *scratches his cheek, slightly confused* He has his own joystick, you know. 

Vile Oh yes, I know... maybe if he plays with my joystick, he'll let me play with his? 

Dr. Light Why don't you just use your own? *confused* 

Vile People look down at you for playing with your own joystick. It's much more acceptible if someone else uses it! Besides, it's much more FUN to play with someone else's! 

Dr. Light *stares at Vile for a minute* ... ... ... Well I guess X's joystick is far more advanced. *nods to himself* 

Vile Heh heh... yeaaah. ... Enough about joysticks, though I really could talk FOREVER about them... buuuut we really should get to the next question! Ahem... *glances around, then eyes Dr. Light sneakily* Could I request upgrades? Like, frenchmaid.exe or bondage.exe? ... Maybe even TENTACLE.EXE? Hell, maybe even a simple XXX.exe? 

Dr. Light His programming is closed right now. I only reprogram in special cases. Anyways, I've never heard of those programs. Who's the designer? 

Vile ... They were actually created by a team of highly advanced scientists in this field! Dr. Wannapenisinu... Dr. IvannapizzaX... Dr. Spreadem... and Dr. Sexuup, lead by the brilliant mind of Dr. Iamaperv! 

Dr. Light *squints at the strange names* Maybe they're Russian. I've never heard of them...times have changed. Young new scientists... Ah, the good old days when I would tinker alone in my shop for hours! Trying to capture that delicate soft youthful skin texture! *stares off into space again* 

Vile Mmmm, yes... those naughty, naughty Russians! *grins and taps his fingers against the armrest of his chair* And I am quite thankful for that! I can't tell you how happy I am that you took such great lengths to give X such wonderful, delicate, soft, youthful skin~! And a joystick I can play with! 

*Dr. Light simply stares at Vile for a few moments, blinking* 

Vile ... WELL! You've been quite helpful, Dr. Pedophile! 

Dr. Light That's Dr. Light, ingrate! 

Vile Heh, heh, heh... same thing. ANYWAY! *swivels his chair about to flash the audience a bucket-covered grin* That's all the time we have for today... I hope you're as... *glances down at his lap* ... enlightened as I am! 

*The audience cringes* 

Vile Tune in next time for VILE-KUN'S Love Connection! Someone's used a Jedi mind trick to convince our higher management to have our next guest be a Robot Master! Who is it? I don't know. It's... someone, I guess. ... I still wish it was X, though. *sighs, then waves* Anyway, thank you and good night~! 


	7. Episode 7: Sigma!

Warning: Bwahaha, yes, here's another episode! I have to tell you... good stuff comes from those with warped senses of humors. XD Thanks Yuki and Yscaldine! 

*/ VILE-KUN'S LOVE CONNECTION \* 

*| EPISODE SEVEN! |* 

*\ /* 

Announcer And welcome once again tooooo... Vile-Kun's Love Connection! 

Vile*leaps through the curtains* TA-! *YOWLS as his leg gets caught and he fumbles, then goes tumbling across the stage noisily before slamming in to his desk* -... da. 

Roll ... *takes a swig of her 'special medicine'* 

Vile*hops back up, dusting himself off, then BEAMS* I'm okay! ^_^ 

* Meanwhile, in the Green Room (or what counts for it), Sigma stares at the monitors, blank horror written plainly on his face.* 

*Vile beams, posing, then twitches as a camera light comes crashing down from the ceiling and bonks him over the head* 

Audience GASP! 

Vile ... Still okay! ^_^ 

Audience Awww. 

Roll ... *two swigs* 

Sigma ... The audience must be a pre-recorded track. 

Vile ANYWAY! *twirls around, giggling, then points skyward* Welcome once again to Vile-Kun's LOOOOOOOOVE Connection! I'm so HAPPY~! 

Vile And our cast has grown! *beams* Happy day! You see... un-for-tu-nate-ly... due to recent death threats against my person... we had to hire me a bodyguard! 

Vile C'mon out, Silent Bob! *gestures to the curtains* 

*A tall generic looking Reploid walks out from behind the curtain wearing a black buisness suit and shades.* 

Vile Meet Silent Bob, everyone~! *turns to Silent Bob, beaming* Say hello, Silent Bob! 

Bob ... 

Sigma ... 

Roll ... *swig* 

Vile ... *looks at the audience* Not very friendly, is he? Oh well... *hops over to his desk and sits down with a grin* 

Vile Since you're the new cast member, I'm going to interview you first before bringing out our MAIN GUEST! Okay, Silent Bob? 

Bob ... 

Vile So, tell us. What's the secret behind your name? Why 'Silent Bob'? 

Bob ... 

Vile ... *blinks* Aw, c'mon... you can tell me! 

Bob ... 

Vile I won't tease you if it's some warped childhood trauma. I promise. ^_^ 

Bob ... 

Sigma ................... 

Vile ... Poo, be that way. *huffs* Fine then, we'll just go right to our main guest then... 

Roll *looking into the camera* If you viewers at home are asking yourselves "Vile couldn't possibly be THAT stupid." then this must be your first time watching this show. For the sake of your sanity either turn your TV off or do like me and play the Vile's Love Connection Drinking Game (TM) *holds up her bottle of 'special medicine', with four X's on it* 

Vile*swivels to beam at the chair before gesturing to the curtain* With us today... is none other than the Master of Mayhem, the Genius of Greatness, the Pinnacle of Problems, the Badass of Baldness... Sigma! 

* Scowling, Sigma stands, ignoring the popping and creaking noises his decrepit joints are making as he starts shuffling his way onstage.* 

*The audience lets out an uneasy murmur as they stare at Sigma* 

Vile ^_^ 

Bob ... 

Vile Sit, sit! *gestures to the couch* Let's get this interview underway! Everyone's DYING to hear from you! 

Sigma *glaring daggers at the audience* You're all slugs to me. *stalks over to the sofa and gingerly seats himself* 

Audience ... 

Bob ... 

Vile Isn't he just so perky? ^_^ 

Roll ... *eyes her 'medicine' then takes a sip* 

Vile So... you're the bossman. The head hancho. The Pimp Daddy of Mavericks. Right? 

Sigma ... *glowers* 

Sigma I have never used a title other than "Sigma", and I have no intention of breaking that convention. 

Vile And you're always cruisin' the grounds, looking for more bitches and hos to add to your harem of harm. 

Sigma ... *grinding his teeth* Humanity's treatment of Reploids -- and my virus -- do that job well enough. 

Roll *takes a swig* 

Vile ... So humanity's been giving you a hard time and you're gonna make 'em pay full price like everyone else? 

Sigma Yes. 

Vile Groovy... maybe you can offer some coupons for the holidays. 

Roll ... *takes two swigs* 

* Sigma looks even more ornery than he did before he came onstage, if that's possible.* 

Vile So... *eyes get shifty* What's this I hear about you and my darling X? 

Sigma ... ... Your "darling" X? O_o 

Roll *takes another swig* 

Vile Yeah, my X. Between you and me, his tight, perfectly formed reploid ass is just waiting for me to molest it mercilessly. He just doesn't know it yet. 

* Sigma groans and starts massaging the bridge of his nose.* 

Vile But I hear tell you're trying to get X yourself! *gives Sigma the EVIL EYE* What's that all about? 

Sigma ... You nutcase, I want him because he's more technologically advanced than you, me, or any of the /idiotic/ Reploids in the audience put together! That hasn't changed from the time YOU were in MY army as a flunkie! 

Sigma I want to know what makes him different; I do NOT want a piece of his ass! 

* Sigma looks momentarily stunned that he could say something so crass.* 

Vile Why not? It's a fine ass. Everyone wants that ass. But I called dibs on it. I even wrote my name on it with black marker when he was asleep. 

Roll ... *just downs the entire bottle* 

Sigma Cain didn't program me with urges quite like yours. *grumbling* I don't think it's actually possible to get something remotely similar to what goes through YOUR mind.. 

Vile Hm... I wish X'd run through my mind... naked. *droooooooools as his eyes get all sparkley... not that you can see them* 

Sigma ... WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE INTERVIEW?! 

Vile OH! Right! *slaps himself* Sorry... *coughs, then crosses his arms* So, tell us! Any plans for the future? (And leave my X alone, bitch.) 

Roll *tosses the empty bottle away and pulls another one out of her dress to take a swig from* 

Sigma Same old, same old. Capture and infect Zero and X with the Maverick virus, let little old ladies get hit by soccer moms in SUVs, steal candy from children, the whole nine yards. 

Vile Ooooh... sounds absolutely wonderful! ^_^ 

Sigma . o O {I'd like to know what he actually heard me say, as opposed to what I actually said.} 

Vile Any words of wisdom for the audience and our viewers at home? 

Sigma You can't escape your destiny. I'll kill all you pathetic, simpering, spineless humans one day! MWA HA! MWAAAA HAHAAH! MWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!! 

Vile Isn't he just so delightful? *giggles hysterically, like a furby on helium* 

Roll ... Great. Another maniac. *takes one giant swig* 

Bob ... 

Vile Okay, one last question! *pauses and swings his chair to EYE Silent Bob* ... WHY won't Silent Bob tell me what his name means!? 

Sigma ... ... 

Bob ... 

Vile I'LL FIND OUT ONE DAY! *points at Silent Bob* YOU CAN'T HIDE IT FROM ME FOREVER! 

Bob ... 

Roll *still drinking* 

Vile So! *swivels to look at Sigma* Why do YOU think he's called Silent Bob? 

Sigma HIS NAME IS "SILENT" BOB BECAUSE HE'S SILENT, YOU WANKER! 

Vile ... *eyes bug out* You think there's some sort of CONNECTION!? 

Bob ... 

Sigma YES, you rusting bucket of tin and scrap!! 

Vile ... Wow. Deep stuff. 

Sigma About as deep as a bird bath ... 

Vile*turns towards the audience, smirking* Well, that's all the time we have for today! I just want to thank our extra special guest, Sigma, for coming on to our show and bringing a ray of sunshine to everyone's day! 

Vile*hops up on to his desk* Come join us next time, when we'll have another extra special guest and ask them all about life, liberty, and X's fine candy ass! 

Vile*blows the audience a kiss* S'long! 

Roll *hic* Gos ta make mur fur nest time. *tosses the empty bottle, which bonks Vile on the head* 

Vile ... I'm still okay! ^_^ 


End file.
